How Much Will You Pay for a Helpful Language Tutor?

A language tutor can teach you the ins and outs of your target language, and help you achieve your learning goals faster and easier. But how much should you pay for a language tutor? There are different online teaching platforms where you can choose from a wide range of tutors with different backgrounds, levels, and prices. 

For example, on italki*, one of the most popular online language learning platforms, you can find tutors who charge as low as $5 per hour or as high as $50 per hour. You can even find great language exchanges for free!. 

So what’s the difference? Read this article to discover which options will be right for you.

Contents

Do I Need A Language Tutor
Need Support On Your Language Learning Journey?
Language tutor or language exchange?
You do not get top quality at bottom prices
How To Find A Price That Works For You
A Tip for Ethical Teachers
What’s your opinion on language lessons?
Frequently Asked Questions

Do I need a language tutor?

Experienced language learners agree on one thing: Learning a language with a tutor is a true game changer.

Need Support On Your Language Learning Journey?

Don’t miss out on the Fluent Language newsletter! Sign up today and get weekly language learning advice from me.

It’s impossible to progress as much if you don’t start speaking your language at some point. And for an early stage learner, picking a tutor means working with someone who can help you bridge the gaps with ease.

Language tutor or language exchange?

I would recommend all learners to try at least one tutor, and to be clear about what you’d like from your lessons. A great tutor will ask you about your goals and tailor their service to you.

I wouldn’t recommend tackling a language exchange before you have learnt at least the essential structures and phrases of your target language (use this checklist to help you work out what to study).

Starting an exchange too early might leave you feeling frustrated, and there is a risk that you and your partner rely on the stronger language exclusively.

You do not get top quality at bottom prices

For the purpose of this article, I want to assume that you have made up your mind and you are looking for a tutor.

Now here is the part I want to talk to you about. I disagree with many other articles are telling you. Let's talk about price. Most other articles include a sentence that goes a little like this:

"Language lessons online are very cheap, you can get them for just $5 an hour."

US$5 an hour? That’s less than you pay for a drink at Starbucks. Now I know that wages and currencies vary around the world and I’m not stupid, so please don’t come commenting with the “$5 is lots of money in xyz!” argument. Your online teacher's costs are not just measured in time-per-hour. They also have a family to support, an internet connection and webcam to buy, personal development to cover. These are all part of the job, and that’s the case even if they live in the cheapest country in the world.

Self-employed language teachers will price themselves as low as they can because they really love working with you. But when they are taking on 50 students a week because the price per lesson is very low, they become mediocre teachers. If you are able to approach the exchange with a mindset that considers both payment and benefits, you will not be ripped off.

Read on to find out how to find exactly the right partner for your needs and your budget.

How To Find A Price That Works For You

In order to help you select the right language learning partnership, it is helpful to approach sites like italki* with a clear image of what you are truly looking for.

It's a good idea look beyond italki, because many of the greatest and most experienced teachers I know have their own blogs and websites. You can also try other platforms such as LanguaTalk.*

Option Number 1: The Freebie

Look for a language exchange partner and simply swap time helping them practice your native language for time practicing your target language.

Pros:

• You don’t even have to look online because many foreign students or residents in your town might be looking for language exchanges too.
• Sharing the language learning experience is very motivating and you’ll see the partner’s success just as much as yours.

Cons:

• There is a learning curve and this exchange may be frustrating at first. You have to be comfortable setting boundaries and working with rules, otherwise you become someone else’s free teacher.
• Your partner will speak the language but may not be able to explain it
• You give as much as you get, so prepare to work hard

Got a partner whose language you want to learn? Get our tips about learning a language from your partner.

And if you’re the one who wants to help your partner learn your language, here’s what I’ve learnt from having an English speaker partner (spoiler: I didn’t become his tutor!).

Option Number 2: The Super Bargain

Look for lessons under $10/hour and take advantage of the low living costs in other countries. Bear in mind these types of prices are below minimum wage in most countries, and probably this includes yours.

Pros:

• Maybe you will find a great tutor for peanuts

Cons:

• This is a trial and error technique, it often takes longer to find someone you click with, whose expectations match yours, and who is familiar with students from your cultural background
• The cheaper language teachers tend to be those supporting themselves temporarily, so you don’t get ongoing support as most cheap teachers decide to move on to another job within a few months
• This isn’t really a con from my perspective, but hopefully the tutor will soon raise their rates!

My personal verdict on this option? It’s better than nothing, but the worst of both worlds.

Option Number 3: The Professional

Hire an experienced language tutor for a minimum of $20/hour. Look for someone who is showing their expertise and commitment by having their own website, blogging about their work and knowledge and giving you a clear idea of what lessons will be like.

I’m biased, and here are my Pros:

• You’ll get a free consultation from most experienced language teachers and they will clearly tell you which goals you are working towards, and keep you committed
• The lessons tend to be tailored, long-term and built for you
• You’re doing a great thing because this is the way to support an experienced professional
• Professional teachers strive towards working full-time for you, so they can offer a flexible schedule and will fit the lesson times around you

For more details on how you can find that tutor that's worth your time, here is a list of questions you should ask them.

Cons? Well, we'd all love to get more free things in life.

A Tip for Ethical Teachers

For language teachers who are reading this article and excited about stepping up their business, here’s some important advice:

1. Be serious and trustworthy: I would not charge a student until I know for sure that I connect with them. I don't take on each one, only students that understand my style. I don't want people to spend money on me unless I feel like I really understand what they need.
2. Commit to your business: If you don’t want to be seen as some kind of fly-by-night operation, you have to show your worth to your potential student. Be worth their investment, be around and be reliable. You can’t do this without a brand and website, but it’s not as difficult as you may think.

For more information, have a look at the “Teach Languages” section here on Fluent, and in particular you should investigate the Live Lessons Course. This step-by-step course is written for language teachers who are excited to start standing out as one of the best out there.

Frequently Asked Questions

How Many Sessions With My Tutor Should I Have per Month?

There is no right or wrong answer to this question. The more sessions you have with your tutor, the more you can benefit from your tutor’s expertise and feedback.

Deciding on the number of tutoring sessions will depend on your personal situation and preferences. Here are some questions to help with your decision:

• What is your language learning goal?

• How many hours do you dedicate to learning your target language? 

• How frequently do you have difficulties and need your language tutor's help?

For more detailed questions. Check my blog post 9 questions to ask your language tutor. And if you want deeper guidance to help you answer the questions above and find the right language strategy for yourself, I recommend checking out the Language Habit System or talking to a language learning coach.

Should I Hire A Native Speaker As My Language Tutor?

You don't actually need a native speaker to practice with. This is so important to understand. You just need someone who's good enough or a little better than you. Sometimes it even helps not to have the native speaker, because a non-native speaker has learnt your target language too and can explain grammar and other problems more easily.

You can check my blog post where I dive into why having a native speaker as your tutor might not be necessary.

Are Tutor Lessons A Good Way To Learn A Language?

Yes, they should be part of your system along with helpful resources and input, self-motivation is important so you don't become too reliant on one thing, learn how to build your routine here.

Language Exchange Tips for Fun and Effective Conversations

Everyone and their dog knows that language learning is easier, faster, and more fun when you have found a great language partner. It makes it so much fun when you can easily practice your vocabulary with someone you really want to speak to.

In this article, I'm going to tell you the best tips from our Fluent Show episode with Lindsay Williams and Jonathan Huggins, who runs several community challenges and groups for language learners.

Listen to the episode here:

Ready to level up your language learning game with my very best tips?

Then make sure you join the Fluent Language newsletter right here! Subscribe now, and every week, I'll send you handpicked language learning tips right in your inbox.

How to Find The Perfect Language Exchange

The most rewarding way of practicing your language is by connecting with people on a 1-to-1 basis. It takes commitment to make any language exchange successful.

Approach Exchanges With The Right Mindset

No matter who you are speaking to in your target language, remember that a little consideration can go a long way. It is easy to add an exchange partner to your checklist right next to "app" and "coursebook", but harder to remember that they're a person with a life to live too.

Start by generously giving something, and consider how you can help the other learners instead of simply seeing them as a resource. It's important to respect your partner's life so you can build up a relationship that keeps on giving.

To make sure you’re ready for the new words you’ll learn in an exchange, review these great guidelines for improving your vocab memory.

Before you start a language exchange:

It's important to feel like you're going to both give and get something out of your language exchange.

Who would be a great exchange partner for you?

Consider whether you will benefit most from finding a native speaker, a teacher, a good explainer, or simply a buddy who can help you progress.

Think also about where you’d like them to be located, because online exchanges are much easier when your timezones are convenient for each other.

Look for people who you have something in common with. Find out if you'll be on your partner's wavelength by checking out their profile, hobbies, location, and more.

Is it best to practice with my partner?

It can be amazing to learn languages with your partner, but…not always! In my own relationship of German/English speaker, we never really made it work. Read my story and get 5 Ways to Inspire Your Partner to Learn Your Language.

Where to find the best language exchange partners?

For detailed tips on finding great people locally and online, make sure you check out this blog article on the best places to find great exchange partners.

You can also look for people on these apps.

• italki - find online language tutors and language exchanges

• Tandem | Find Conversation Exchange Partners
  — here is a detailed review of Tandem

• HelloTalk - Language Exchange App
  — here is a detailed review of HelloTalk

Language Exchange — Jonathan's Facebook group for anyone who wants to practice with native speakers.

Before starting a conversation or following someone, it's important to check their bios on social media. It helps gauge their interests and motivations. Sharing a brief summary of your background, interests, and goals can also increase the chances of a satisfying exchange.

Tools and technology needed for a language exchange

Most language exchanges online require fast internet, a good webcam, a microphone, and video conferencing software.

Click here to read about our recommended online teaching tools, which you can use for exchanges too!

Don’t forget, you might even find a local exchange partner to meet in a café. Then you only need a phone to send a message and organise the meeting!

Don’t just start with “hello”

Send more than just a "hello", and try asking questions and connecting based on something you saw in your potential partner's profile. For example, if they are a Frencg learner and they talk about a place they love to travel to, you can say: “Hey, I saw that you’re learning French and you’ve travelled to La Rochelle. I love it there! Have you ever eaten at Le Petit Marinier?".

Consider your expectations. Being someone's language learning partner is a commitment to be taken seriously, and it is your partner's decision whether they will be ready to join you.

Agree on how your exchange is going to work:

• When will you practice which language?

• Who's going to arrange the timeslots?

• Will you send recordings, chat, focus on specific language points like grammar topics or vocab?

• What will you talk about each week?

Finally, consider what level you are at in your target language and how this will impact the kinds of things that you can say and understand.

Once Your Language Exchange is Underway

“A language exchange is like a plant: If you don't look after it, it's going to die.”

Jonathan

Great job, you’ve started meeting your language exchange partners. Here’s how to make sure the new connection doesn’t fizzle out.

Keep the Conversations Interesting

Prepare something to talk about in each session and make sure you don't let each other down and spend the whole session asking superficial questions. For example, find a news item and explain what it means in your local context, share a recipe, or select a conversation starter question. This directory is an incredible list of topics, you’ll never run out of ideas.

Stay Kind to Yourself

No one needs to expect a miracle from a language exchange. If you are shy and you don't establish what you have in common with another person, your language exchange will be just as uncomfortable as it would be in a monolingual environment.

Before and during the exchange, it helps to have a notebook ready. You can even start a language learning journal so you have space to reflect on how it went. Here’s my online course showing you exactly how to organise this journal for success, and here are some tips about using the bullet journal technique.

We love to try these tricks for helping you with your mindset and any self-doubt that comes up while you’re speaking another language. And if you want more ideas, here’s a list of 5 creative ideas for language lessons and exchanges.

Don’t Partner-Hop Like You’re on Tinder

Language exchanges are best treated like a really great friendship. Find consistent people to talk to so you can establish common ground and start going beyond the broring, repetitive topics that happen at the start of creating a new relationship.

Try alternative ways of making your exchange work, for example recording yourself so you can send a "message in a bottle" and still stay in touch even when life gets busy.

Don’t Forget About Group Exchanges

If you haven’t found a 1:1 language exchange partner yet, you can also join a language exchange group and talk to other learners.

In my podcast episode with Brian from Online Language Exchange, we discussed the best ways to get a lot out of these groups.

Don’t worry if you are a beginner: If you find somebody who is at a more advanced stage than you are, you can give them advice and share tips and resources.

No more dull textbooks or mundane drills – you'll be part of a community of like-minded learners who are passionate about mastering new languages. See you in the newsletter!

Frequently Asked Questions

How do you start an effective language exchange?

Remember, language exchanges are about building relationships. So don’t just look for “someone to talk to”, instead imagine you are getting in touch with a brand new friend. You can find exchange partners online in forums, groups, through apps like HelloTalk and the fantastic website italki. (affiliate link, we recommend italki)

What makes a good language partner?

A good exchange partner will be learning a language you know well, and fluent in a language you are learning. This way, you can share the time each of you spends practicing speaking.

It has to be someone that you enjoy talking to, and feel comfortable with. In conversations, it helps if your exchange partner is patient, interesting, and doesn’t correct too much.

What do you talk about during a language exchange?

There are no rules! You don’t have to talk about language rules at all, because exchanges are not like lessons. Find some common ground, talk about what you like, the sports and hobbies you do, favourite foods, and what bands you’ve seen live. A great language exchange is just like talking to a good friend…only in another language!

Why is a language exchange good?

Language exchanges are a powerful language learning tool! They give you

1. Authentic conversations to improve your listening skills, pronunciation, and fluency

2. Language learning on a budget. They are often free, both partners give up their time.

3. A great opportunity to meet new people, grow your relationships, and learn more about the culture of your target language.

Do you need to practice with native speakers?

You don’t have to find a native speaker! Often, learners who are more advanced than you are a great person to practice with. With native speakers, it can be difficult to understand regional accents and they don’t always know how to explain their language rules in detail.

To get native-level practice into your studies before you go hunting for speakers all over town, try bringing in audio resources or even TV. It's easy to watch television in other languages or use cool software like Yabla. (affiliate link)

Read more about this in this blog article: Language Practice: Why You Don't Need A Native Speaker

How to Speak More Fluently by Building Good Conversation Habits

No matter if you are new to language learning or you're a certified multilingualist, I bet you know the conversational wall. It's that feeling where you just don’t know how to say something. It could be a missing word, and sometimes you can’t find words for what you’re even trying to say.

The wall creates that awkward moment with your conversation partner, where you just stall the whole thing. You’re running on empty, grasping around for words, and in fact you’re feeling like an idiot. How frustrating it is for an articulate adult to fail when it comes to saying stupid basic things like “I don’t like boiled potatoes” or whatever. How far you have to go!

In today’s blog article, I want to introduce you to the different ways that you can handle that wall. Knowing how to handle a conversation breaker means knowing how to keep things flowing, and it’s the only way for you to approach fluency.

What You Have Tried Before to Get Fluent in a Language

The following three options might all feel pretty familiar and perhaps even helpful to you if you run into one of those walls. But are they really the best way of dealing with the problem?

You’ve Hit More Language Books

Many people who are new to language learning feel like their only way of dealing with the wall is to give up trying to have the conversation and return to the books. The logic is that if you don’t know how to say everything, you obviously haven’t studied enough yet. But in reality, this is a sign that your learning mindset needs a breath of fresh air.

A student once told me “I’ve always been used to excelling at the things I put my mind to. Law exams, university grades, that all didn’t feel so hard to me. So why can’t I ace this language!?”. As his language coach, it’s my duty to remind him of several trap doors that he’s opening up with that kind of thinking.

Firstly, believing that first time mastery is the only way to be a good language learner is a way of closing a door to true growth in your own mind. And moreover, it’s important to recognise that language learning is not only graded by what you remember and express correctly. Creativity, flexibility and conversational confidence play a huge part in fluency and form part of the learning experience.

The key is to understand that you’re not failing when you run into a wall. You are actually succeeding at discovering your skills. Keep on exploring.

You’ve Tried to Change the Topic

Changing the topic may help you save face, hide that panic and manoeuvre your conversation back onto safer ground. Overall, it’s a pretty solid option and one you can try if you are feeling particularly embarrassed. Remember that everyone loves to talk about themselves, so your sneaky way back from the conversation wall is to put the focus back on the person you are talking to. With a little bit of luck, they may even say exactly what you were thinking - and they’ll show you how to express it in your target language.

If this is a good option, why isn’t it the best one? The answer is simple. How many times are you going to change topic before you realize you still haven’t said what you need to say?

You’ve Tried to Look Up Words in Google Translate

The part of you that considers herself a solid and obedient learner will want to do this. The part of you that wants to demonstrate that you are truly accomplished will want to do this. The easy way out of not knowing something is to look it up. Of course! And yet I urge you to consider the negative effects of looking up words every single time.

First of all, your smartphone battery isn’t going to last forever. Secondly, it’s not actually all that polite to keep your conversation partner waiting while you whip out a phone and start googling for an answer. They’re right there! They might just be dying to help you. And thirdly, you’re training your brain to know where to look, but not to remember anything that you are learning. Neither your brain nor your mind will thank you for relying on a lazier way of thinking.

So with all those kind-of-okay options ruled out, what could be the way a truly fluent learner approaches the conversation wall? From my observations in lessons and in my own language learning experiences, it comes down to a few significant shifts in attitude. Remember that Growth Mindset I’m so very fond of? Here is where you use it. Here is where you show your head who’s boss!

Here's How to Be More Fluent in Conversation

Step 1: Walk through the Awkwardness

If you’re a perfectionist or someone who holds themselves to high standards you’re not going to like this option at all. A way through? You mean I’m telling you that you should admit when you don’t know something and sit there all awkwardly looking like an idiot? Yes. That is exactly what I am telling you to do. There are so many learning benefits from finding your way through that awkwardness. First of all, you’ll quickly realise that missing a word in foreign language conversation is a pretty common thing.

My friend Lindsay recently told me about British nursery rhyme We’re Going on a Bear Hunt. In the story, the brave bear hunters encounter all kinds of obstacles. Mud, snowstorms, rivers, everything is in the way. There’s no way under it. There’s no way over it. So they decide to go the only way that they can: through it!

When you are facing your own linguistic obstacles, remember that you can’t go over or under. You’ve got to get through it. That awkward moment when you feel restricted and stupid because you don’t know how to say what’s on your mind? That’s normal. Just notice it’s happening, take a breath and continue to Step 2.

Ideal Step 2: Accept the Challenge

The idea of accepting a challenge sounds like this is a big thing, but I assure you that this is an attitude shift that will become your best new habit within a matter of hours. So you don’t know a word. So someone’s looking at you and waiting for you to say something and you don’t know how. So WHAT! What can you do next? How are you going to go from awkward to outspoken?

Ideal Step 3: Describe What You Want to Say

Okay, here is where you flex your real fluency muscles. A confident foreign language speaker is not intimidated by gaps in her vocabulary. Instead, she will embrace the learning opportunity and look for a way around the gap. The first step to take is to prepare a set of useful fillers in your target language. These filler lines should become as comfortable to you as hello and thank you. You will need them for ever and ever - trust me, I’m so fluent in English and words still fail me on a regular basis. 

Good filler expressions include the following:

• “I don’t know how to say, but I mean a thing that…"

• “Help me out here…how do you say…?"

• “You know, it is a little like…"

The key component in a good filler line is that they all allow you to describe the thing you are trying to express. No matter if it’s a noun, verb or expression you are searching for, the key to fluency is in opening yourself up to learning the word from your conversation partner.

It’s absolutely essential to remember that these moments of hitting the wall are where you really show your skills in language learning. Not because you are measured by how many times you encounter the wall, but by how many times you get through it, over it or under it. This is the way that you will have confident conversations in weeks, not years.

So are you ready to start having truly fluent conversations?

Thanks for reading this article on Fluent, the Language Learning Blog. Please share this post on Twitter, Insta, or Facebook using the Share buttons. If you are feeling stuck right now, why not subscribe to Fluent.

Living And Speaking French Just Like In France + 11 Everyday French Expressions

Let's be honest: We all dream of speaking perfect French. To communicate in melodic sentences, move along the boulevards and feel right at home, and essentially turn into Amélie for a day.

But if you've been learning the French language for a while, maybe you've found that it's hard to feel at home with this language. You know all the vocabulary, you have practiced the grammar...but something feels like it's missing.

In today's episode of the Fluent Show, I've got a special guest who is going to help us find that missing piece, in a bilingual episode dedicated to France and French culture. My guest is Géraldine Lepere, an online French teacher at Comme Une Française.

Her French lessons are for anyone who values the French language and culture, and her online courses help learners at any level go beyond grammar and "double their Frenchness."

Start listening here:

Bilingual? How does that work?

It's simple. Throughout this episode of the podcast, Géraldine and I will switch between speaking English and speaking French. 

You will hear me make mistakes, forget words, and be right there in the truth of making mistakes. I am a French speaker and have studied French for 20+ years, but my French is NOT perfect.

In this episode you will learn

• how to swear and how to say "that's awesome" in French
• what you need to know about French food
• why understanding French culture makes the difference when you practice your language
• what real French people think about studying French grammar
• where to find the best restaurants and the best music in France
• how Géraldine's website can help you speak French comme une française

Here are a few things to listen out for:

Cross-Languaging

As soon as I started speaking French to Géraldine, I threw in all sorts of other languages! On the recording, you can hear me say things in Welsh, then German, and then finally in the language I was looking for. When you are out of practice speaking any language, this type of "interference" is actually pretty normal.

Everyday Expressions In French

I learnt French in the 1990s from an experienced (though perhaps middle-aged) French school teacher, so I used this opportunity to refresh my Français familier: the colloquial language that was neglected when my education focused on professional environments.

Here are a few of the expressions I learnt in this episode:

• Greetings and Goodbyes - Coucou, À plus
• "quite a while ago" - il y a longtemps
• Swearing (hehe!): mince!, or putain/merde (but those are not suitable for foreigners)
• awesome! - trop bien, génial, chouette
• cute - mignon
• great, but also awful...depending on the context! - terrible
• funny - rigolo
• to confuse - confondre
• around here - dans le coin

Living in Three Languages

Géraldine is more than your average French woman: she grew up conversing with her parents in French and in Spanish, and now runs a business helping English speakers too. For her, every language comes with a slightly different outlook: French for love and life, English for business and strategy, and Spanish for speaking to family.

Setting Good Goals

For learning French, it pays to be structured and organised about learning other languages. Géraldine and I discussed how a clear Vision Goal and Path Goal can serve you as you're sitting down to learn. When you set yourself the goal "I want to speak French", you run a risk of big failure because things are so vague.

Make sure that you capture the vision and document what motivates you to learn French - le désir, but then get specific and create les buts de chemin, goals that guide you on the path to everyday fluency.

The Language Habit Toolkit is my structured product giving guidance and worksheets so you can create your own goals and study plan, step by step.

Speaking a Language Means Having Respect

French people often get a reputation for "rudeness", but is that really true or are they simply acting in a way you're not familiar with? For example, small talk is less common and a French speaker's silence is often meant to communicate respect for you. When you're learning French, knowing these important things about the norms of communication in a country are a lot more important than knowing the gender of every single noun.

Understanding France

Learning French as a language is one thing. Learning real-life French with all the little things that help you sound like a real human instead of a 1950s textbook, that's another. Géraldine mentioned how many times her students struggle trying to get that natural touch in the French language, and how many times they get frustrated because the French keep replying to them in English.

Once you start working on your cultural competence, you'll find that this changes. You'll be able to hook in to that extra layer of fluency that makes everyone around you relax. And voilà, they start answering in French too.

Want To Lean French Language and French Culture? 🇫🇷

If you have been putting in the hours on French duolingo and feel nearly ready to speak the language to real people, here is something that will get you exactly where you want to be.

Géraldine has got a programme fantastique, a brilliant course designed to speak real French. It's perfect for intermediates who want to start speaking French for real.

Oh and best of all, she's included a 15% discount for listeners of the Fluent Show! 

Click Here To Discover How To Speak French Like In France (15% Discount)

Loved The Show?

I look forward to hearing your feedback. Did you enjoy this bilingual podcast episode? Did you understand anything...and how did you feel if you did not?

What a 60 Minute Yoga Class Taught Me About Language Learning

Did you know that I used to try to be absolutely perfect in English? That even today it bothers me a tiny bit when people tell me they can hear my German accent?

I remember that I used to be the best in my class in English. Then I changed schools and better people came along. I was the best IELTS taker my university had ever seen at IELTS 9.0. Then I went out to the pub and understood no one. One thing I learnt in that progress is that trying to be flawless is like guaranteeing yourself a failure. Turns out perfectionism doesn't work if you want to learn a language. We don't have to be the best to be good.

In the haze of ambitious new year's goals, let's have a look at how to achieve everything you want without pressure and perfectionism.

Perfectionism By Another Name

You are probably already aware that "perfectionism is bad". There are many who warn about its dangers. It makes logical sense to start before you're ready and keep practicing until you achieve fluency, but in reality I've seen many learners who never seem to be ready. A former German student of mine had this habit of pausing in the middle of the sentence because he forgot a word. He'd switch to English very quickly, exclaiming that he's tired and today just isn't the right day. He asked for grammar exercises instead, trying to rule out any language learning flaws before he even started.

The "I have to be perfect" feeling is sneaky. It doesn't hide in a labelled box inside your mind and heart. Perfectionism works hard to keep its hold on you. Funnily enough, the feeling loves it most when you are trying to speak in your target language. This is when perfectionism has a good day. Here are statements to look out for. Ever had a thought like this?

• "I need to be ready before I can speak"

(and what exactly is ready?)

• "I just want to make sure I get this right"

(what if there is no right?)

• "Is this how a native speaker would say it?"

(native speakers aren't perfect)

• "Am I making enough progress?"

(if you are learning, the answer is yes)

• "Am I good enough?!"

(yes)

Perfectionism is Bad Because..

It paralyzes you, because your high ambition will stop you from trying before you are "ready". It's never worse than when the task is to speak. The fear of what others may think of you, the instant vulnerability of being on the spot, and the stress of thinking so fast are good nutrition for perfectionism. This is why you may prefer to keep quiet or spend another few days preparing. And before you know it, a year of study has passed and you've spoken to nobody.

It frustrates you and kills your will to try again. Last week, I was chatting to a girl at a friend's party and mentioned that I'm a Welsh learner. She exclaimed "wyt ti'n dysgu cymraeg?!" and revealed that Welsh is her native language. Oh my! I had to speak! After a few sentences of conversation she complimented me on my skills (which is ridiculous since half the conversation was "how do I say .... in Welsh?"). Then came the fatal moment. I said something, and she replied "that's not how we would say it in Wales", then explained to me how the locals shorten words in slang. And of course I felt embarrassed! Of course I was gutted to have been so uncool and use stilted uncomfortable Welsh.

The frustration of that moment must not stop me from learning more and trying again. I'll have to keep speaking in textbook Welsh for now. I have to stay on my own path, and the same goes for you if you're learning another language. Never let yourself feel frustrated enough to stop, just because you made a mistake once before.

Remember that being bad at your target language is good, because you'll get better. But when you stop, that's the single way you will fail at learning a language.

The Yoga Analogy

In yoga, there is a philosophy that freedom in the practice means freeing yourself from the desire to achieve perfect poses at all times. It's about letting go of your ego and of having to be right all the time. You work with recognizing your own body and its capabilities. You accept good days and bad days, and you thank yourself for doing what you can. Your prize is not a perfect yoga pose, but a better relationship with your body.

In language learning, that wonderful freedom is waiting for you too. I have received feedback about my failings time and time again, and have had to remind myself that language is a living and evolving tool, never used in the perfect way. Now at age 32, I guess my way through Welsh conversations and feel excited when mistakes are corrected. I work on my mindset much more than my "conversation prep", and trust that everything others correct will be the best and most useful vocabulary I could possibly acquire.

Something magical happens when we put aside those high standards and just surrender. Surrender to mistakes as and when they happen. Surrender to looking like a non-expert. Surrender to trusting the process and letting yourself learn.

With allowing your mind to simply engage and progress at its own speed, you get to discover how capable you really are. The question of being "good enough?" becomes irrelevant as you discover that you are truly the best that you can be. And verb endings, imperfect accents, all those things that trip you up in speaking your target language become things that you learn as you go along.

Mistakes are visitors you bump into on your journey. They are added training bonuses that show you where to focus. They're what keeps you in the game when you risk complacency. I wish we would reframe the way we think about mistakes in language learning and accept that they are boosters, power-ups, encouragers - whatever you want to call them, mistakes are that perfection you're looking for.

3 Practical Tips for Being Perfectly Non-Perfectionist

1) Start Before You're Ready, But Start Easy

So you've studied Polish for 3 weeks and not talked yet? Come on now. Just get yourself to the Polish shop, to a community class, or to italki, or on HelloTalk and quit having excuses.

Language learning is not about being the best or the most impressive person out there. Your interest in another language is enough validation, so go with the journey and take it super-easy at the start. It is NOT embarrassing to aim for saying one sentence correctly before you say another. Remember that yoga pose: You want to ease into it, not muscle into it.

2) Prep 5 Stock Phrases

Stock sentences are useful phrases that you can always say to buy yourself a little time, to enter or exit a conversation. They're useful things like "What does _ mean" and "How do I say _", along with asking the other person to slow down and be patient. Stock phrases also contain polite formulas like please and thank you, and maybe "Do you want a drink?". When I say prep, what I mean is you should have these stock phrases down so well that you could recite them at 3 in the morning if I shake you out of your sleep.

These stock sentences are your safety blanket, the lines you know you've got right no matter what. The reason I recommend you learn no more than 5 is that studying stock phrases isn't the point of learning a language.

You need enough to help you manage, but not so much that it stops your creativity. Remember - this is all about embracing restrictions so that you

3) Keep A Log

Instead of remembering the times that you made a mistake and "looked like an idiot", make sure you make a note of every correction that you get. Focus on what you're learning and how the other person is helping you improve. Even if you post a pronunciation video on YouTube and get "Your Russian Sucks!", so what! Ask the commenter what exactly you did wrong and upload another one. Remember that Yoga pose, where you are building your strength and easing into it.

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