7 Tips For Learning A Language From Your Girlfriend or Boyfriend
If I had 5p every time I read someone telling someone else that the best way to learn a language is to "get a native speaking girlfriend", I think I could retire at 35. But don't get me wrong: having a native speaker on hand at any time of day certainly has its advantages.
Today, you'll hear from English teacher Nick Vance, who is in the lucky position of having that girlfriend. So, how's it working out?
If I had 5p every time I read someone telling someone else that the best way to learn a language is to "get a native speaking girlfriend", I think I could retire at 35.
Today, you'll hear from Nick Vance, who is in the lucky position of having one of those handy "native speaker girlfriends". So, how's it working out?
In this article, Nick will share 7 useful tips to help you understand how to learn a language with your sweetheart.
Learning German from My Girlfriend
As an American living in Berlin with my German girlfriend, Natalie, people constantly ask me the same questions.
Where did you two meet? In Costa Rica - surprising, but true!
Did you move to Berlin to be with her? Nope - it took us many years to finally fall in love.
Is she the reason you speak German fluently? Jein - a combination of the German words “ja” and “nein” (“yes” and “no”).
Natalie did indeed play a huge role in helping me reach fluency in German. However, she didn’t actually teach me very many things about the language. She “just” talked with me for thousands of hours, giving me the opportunity to practice. I learned German grammar, vocabulary, and pronunciation in a language school, through self-study online, and in private one-on-one lessons.
Your partner can be a big help in you learning their native language, but it’s important to be careful about expecting too much from them. Today I’m going to share some concrete tips for how you and your partner can work together to learn each other’s languages.
Speaking Practice with Your Partner
Once you’ve reached about B1 level, you can start having real conversations about real topics. Awesome! This is the area where your partner can really help you, and you can start making lots of progress really quickly.
Set Up Some Rules
There’s no right or wrong way to set up your plan on how and when you speak which language, but they need to be agreed upon by both people. For a long time Natalie and I would alternate weeks. Every Sunday night at midnight, we would switch from English to German, or the other way around. Yes, I would sometimes look at the clock and switch at exactly 12:01 am, mostly just because I thought it was funny. Other people might agree to always speak Spanish at the dinner table, or to speak French on weekends, or whatever. My advice: the simpler the plan, the better.
Focus on What You Say (Not How You Say It)
This part of your language practice should be fun and focused on improving your ability to quickly form sentences and communicate them. Avoid correcting the other person during this time. If you BOTH agree, take some time maybe once a week for the native speaker to share some feedback on what you can improve.
But what if you’re still at level A1 or A2?
Honestly, your conversations aren’t going to be that interesting. However, you can still have some short conversations to get used to the idea of speaking in that language. For example, speak in the language for the first 5 minutes when you see each other in the evening. Depending on your relationship, that’s often how your day was and what you did. You’ll quickly get used to this vocabulary and be able to feel more comfortable in the language.
Your Partner Isn’t the Perfect Teacher
Teaching Is a Skill
I’ve heard lots of stories from friends in similar relationships who were frustrated that their partner wasn’t able or willing to teach them their native language. Some of them even blamed their partner, calling them lazy, uninterested, or simply unhelpful. The more likely explanation is that teaching is a skill that not everyone has.
If you’re just starting out in a language (A1 / A2 level), your partner probably doesn’t understand pedagogically how to teach a language. Should you first focus on learning all of the tenses and their uses? How important is learning vocabulary compared to improving your pronunciation? What books are appropriate for your level? These are questions that a normal person just doesn’t know about their language.
Additionally, your partner might not know exactly how their language works, even if they speak and write it perfectly. For example, what’s the difference between “while” and “during” in English? I only learned this when I became an English teacher. Before then I always used the correct word, but it was just because it “felt” right.
Different Roles
In your relationship, you and your partner have specific roles. Perhaps you make vacation plans while your partner just shows up at the airport and follows your lead. But that’s made up for by your partner cooking dinner every night for the both of you. Everything is great as long as both sides are comfortable with the arrangement.
Teacher-student is a very special role that comes with lots of built-in assumptions. If your partner (acting as the teacher) tells you to work on your pronunciation of “th,” and you don’t practice it, what happens? If the person is just a teacher, that disappointment, frustration, or embarrassment is left in the classroom. If that person is also your partner, it can bleed into the rest of your relationship and cause bigger problems.
Give It a Shot!
This all is not to say it’s impossible. If you both are willing, give it a shot. Maybe your partner is actually quite good at explaining when to use what tense, and you develop a teacher-student relationship that doesn’t does lead to any other issues. Learning the language from your partner could then be a great way to spend time together and strengthen your bond.
But if it feels like a struggle, don’t force it. Accepting this limitation is important for preventing feelings of resentment.
Their inability to teach you about subordinate clauses shouldn’t be seen as a lack of love for you, but only their inability to teach subordinate clauses.
It’s not language learning, but I recently learned how to drive in Germany - both the rules of the road and how to drive stick shift. I’d been driving automatic cars in the US for 15 years, but had never needed to drive stick.
Once again, I hoped to profit from Natalie’s knowledge. We decided that she’d try to teach me a couple of times, and if it didn’t work out, I’d pay for driving lessons from a professional. Even though she had no experience as a driving instructor, she was an amazing, patient teacher, and it was a fun experience. And now I can drive in Germany!!!
No More Borders
No more borders - Nick (from the US) and Natalie (from the former East Germany) on a bridge that once marked the border between East Germany and West Germany.
Being a Supportive Language Helper
If your partner is trying to learn your language, you have a unique responsibility. Even if you don’t act as their teacher or even speak the language with them, there are things you can do to help or hurt their progress. Here are some things that you should definitely avoid.
Don’t Make Fun of Their Language Ability
I’m sure you don’t intend it to be mean, but little comments or jokes can make your partner feel self-conscious and kill their desire to speak. This doesn’t mean you can’t laugh about the language, but just be extra careful you’re laughing with them. Like when I asked Natalie if she had used the helicopter to clean our apartment (I meant vacuum cleaner but had somehow mixed up the words Hubschrauber and Staubsauger… they still sound similar in my head, but apparently in no one else’s).
Don’t Talk about How Difficult Your Language Is
This is usually meant in a helpful way, letting your partner know that they shouldn’t feel bad about struggling or to show them how impressed you are at the progress they’ve made. However, it often comes across as “why are you even bothering.” I can’t tell you how many people have told me that German is “so hard” and “impossible for foreigners to learn.” Yes, there are some things that take time to learn or do 100% perfectly, but there are millions of immigrants in Germany today proving them wrong. If you need help with this language in particular, Kerstin has some great German learning resources.
Conclusion
In the end, there are plenty of ways your partner can help or hurt your language learning. Find out what works best for the both of you, and don’t try to force something that isn’t working. They might be the love of your life, but that doesn’t mean they have to be your language teacher.
If you’d like some more tips, check out Kerstin’s article about helping your partner learn your native language. And I’d love to hear about your experiences.
Share with me in the comments your ups and downs about learning a language from or teaching a language to your partner. Especially if there were any hilarious misunderstandings!
Nick Vance is originally from the U.S. but has been living in Germany the last 6 years. For him, being able to speak German fluently has been a key to feeling at home in Berlin. Learning a language as an adult is much different than learning in school, and Nick uses his own personal language learning experience when he teaches English. You can find more information about his online English lessons at Skype Englisch (in German) or English with Nick (in English).
9 of the Best Podcasts for Learning German
German is a great language for learning by podcast. There is a big selection, so I've gone and selected 9 of the best shows for you to discover.
In this article, you'll find
- German Podcast Courses from Deutsche Welle
- Podcasts in Slow German
- German Video Shows
- Story-Based and German Culture Podcasts
- A tip on how to find podcasts produced by native German speakers
What would you do if you could easily understand spoken German? Perhaps you'd finally travel to the places you've dreamed of, watch the original version of your favourite film, or try ordering that fabled Club Mate to go full on German hipster.
If you want to prepare yourself for real conversations with German natives, there's great value in developing those listening skills.
Why Practice German Listening Skills?
German is a language with consistent pronunciation and spelling, so you will find that the more you listen, the more you can work out. And for any level of language, podcasts have come onto the scene.
And what easier way to do this than with a German podcast.
Podcasts are a great way to add a little German listening practice into your day-to-day life. They are free, and can accompany any part of your day: driving a car, washing your dishes, doing laundry, working out, reading, and more.
Quick Primer: How Do Podcasts Work?
If you're curious about podcasts, but not quite sure how they work, here's what you need to know:
You can subscribe for free to podcasts on your phone, tablet, or computer.
If you use an iPhone or iPad, go to the Podcasts app. If you're on a Mac, use the iTunes directory.
On a PC or Android device, try the Pocketcasts app for a quick and easy start.
Subscribing means you'll always have the latest episode ready and waiting for you as soon as it's published.
German is a great language for learning by podcast. There is a big selection, so I've gone and selected 9 of the best shows for you to discover.
Listen To The Fluent Show
In addition to the German podcasts you'll find in this article, check out the my own podcast The Fluent Show where we share languages, learning methods, and how to live a multilingual life.
As a German learner, you will love this recent bilingual episode in German and English with polyglot Judith Meyer.
The 9 Best German Podcasts for Learners
In this article, you'll find
German Podcast Courses from Deutsche Welle
Podcasts in Slow German
German Video Shows
Story-Based and German Culture Podcasts
A tip on how to find podcasts produced by native German speakers
German Podcast Courses from Deutsche Welle
- Deutsch - Warum Nicht? (Deutsche Welle - A1-B1)
Deutsch - Warum Nicht? is a 4-part podcast series for complete beginners and early German learners. Parts 1 and 2 focus on the A1 and A2 (beginner) stages while Parts 3 and 4 focus on the B1 (intermediate) stages. It tells the story of Andreas Schäfer, a journalism student and hotel doorman. Each of the four series contains 26 lessons all with PDF dialogues, exercises, and downloadable audio clips. These series are for beginners, intermediate learners, and advanced learners.
- Deutsch - Wieso Nicht? (Deutsche Welle - B1)
Deutsch - Wieso Nicht? is the sequel to Deutsch - Warum Nicht. It focuses on intermediate level German (roughly B1). Everything is in German and like its predecessor, downloadable PDFs and audio files are available. The podcast focuses on topics related to daily life in Germany and Austria on fun and interesting topics and situations. It is very clear and easy to understand and follow. I wholeheartedly recommend it to intermediate German learners.
Podcasts in Slower German
These podcasts present slow or slightly simplified German language content, while keeping you attuned to real German voices. Make sure you keep yourself attuned to faster spoken German too, otherwise you might flounder in conversation.
News in Slow German is an intermediate level podcast. This podcast covers world news, grammar, and expressions and slows down all the dialogue to make it easier to process what you hear. Every episode breaks down a point on grammar and vocabulary.
The audio is very clear and easy to follow. On the website there are transcripts for each episode available with grammar, expressions, pronunciation, and quizzes.
Annik Rubens from Munich produces German learning podcasts for two levels:
- For absolute beginners, there is a podcast in English which introduces basic German words.
- For intermediate learners, she covers interesting aspects and stories about Germans, German culture, and German places.
The podcast offers a paid premium version with great extras such as slowed down lessons, PDF guides, grammar and vocabulary tutorials, fairy tales, and quizzes.
German Video Shows
- Learn German With Videos (Yabla)
Yabla is a video-based learning platform with bilingual subtitles and integrated dictionaries. The subtitles are interactive, which is a really cool concept! Check out how Yabla works in detail by reading my full review.
Yabla is great for all levels from basic to advanced. There is a free German podcast available with plenty of videos to watch.
Story-Based and German Culture Podcasts
This podcast comes on the back of the successful Authentic German Learning website and YouTube channel! It promises to be an exciting one, as the host, Marco Rösler, is an enthusiastic and energetic host with a zest for life. This podcast is focused on learning German through personal development and the TPRS (Teaching Proficiency through Reading and Storytelling) method. The concept invites you to read and listen to the dialogue at the same time.
The LingQ German podcast was recommended to me by German learner Alex Gentry as one of his favorites. Steve Kaufmann, the founder of LingQ, emphasises learning German through extensive listening to audio and reading of texts. This is called the comprehensible input method.
The LingQ podcast is excellent for beginner and intermediate learners. There is no English, the tone is relaxed and conversational, and steve gets right in there talking to German native speakers. All exercises are available to download via iTunes, and you can sign into LingQ to get the podcast notes, transcripts, and exercises.
Coffee Break German, a podcast from Radio Lingua Network, combines German language lessons with a lot of useful information about German food, culture, German-speaking countries, and so on.
My favorite part of the podcast is the chemistry between relaxed and charismatic host Mark from Scotland and native speaker Thomas from Bavaria. Cultural Correspondant Julia from Potsdam has great cultural advice, and Grammar Guru Kirsten from Scotland discusses grammar in a clear, easy to understand way.
GermanPod101 from InnovativeLanguage covers any level you can think of from basic to advanced German. With enticing titles and interesting themes for each episode, you'll never get bored.
The dialogues are presented by engaging presenters and the hosts Judith (a native speaker) and Chuck (a fluent speaker) cover both cultural and grammatical aspects clearly and concisely. On the website you can sign up for the premium content to access spaced repetition flashcards, PDF lesson notes, and a community forum for a subscription fee.
Advanced Learner Tip: Native German Podcasts
The German podcast world has come a long way in recent times, and these days you'll be able to find a big array of native level content to listen to when you want to get German language immersion. You can choose from a full catalogue of shows on topics from politics to film reviews. The easiest way to access native German language podcasts is to go to iTunes and switch your country setting to "Germany" or "Austria".
There's no restriction on your switch, and you'll be able to access all podcasts in the same way that listeners from Germany can. One of my favorites is Serienjunkies, covering TV reviews from Game of Thrones to new netflix arrival Dark.
Free German Guide for YOU
My mini-guide to speaking German is out now! It’s called Make Your German Sound Amazing and will give you the best tips and 26 key phrases to make you ready for any conversation. Get it today by subscribing to the Fluent Language Newsletter.
